tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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