After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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