somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
