She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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