Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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