I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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