I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
