dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
