there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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