You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
