There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
