walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
