So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
