It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
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you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
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It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
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