he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Girls should come with a carfax report
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
