I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
