Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
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