why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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