Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
