New invention idea: vibrating tampons
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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