sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
