If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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