Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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