Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
