You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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