she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
