Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
