He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
