Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
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Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
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I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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