I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
