Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
