can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
