ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Blood and glitter go together right?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
