my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
