so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
