Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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