Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
