the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Less talking, more tequila
ttyl tear gas
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
