Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
