When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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