Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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