I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
