Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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