he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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