have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
