so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
