I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Randomize
