I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize