I wanna passion pit in your ass
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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