Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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