I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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