Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
