"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
