You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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