she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
