where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
