'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
