i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize