I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So many bounce houses so little time
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
