I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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