don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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