New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
