do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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