I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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