Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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