you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
