Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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