There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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