I just pynch a tree in the face
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
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