Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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