Define "chronic" masturbator.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
