I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
