dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
