In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Man, jail baloney is awful.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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