there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
