shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
