the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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