Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
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Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
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i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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